Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Don't Go To Bed Mad"

It seems to be classic advice that you get over and over when you get married: Dont go to bed mad! Even Paul tells us in Ephesians, "Be angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity" (4:26-27).

I appreciate that these words of guidance teach us what to do WITH our anger, thus acknowledging that anger WILL happen. I wonder though, does that mean you have to stay up and "talk it out" until it is solved?! In Psalms, we read, "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent" (4:4). Ah ha! Be SILENT.

While I may be beating this subject into the ground a bit : ) I just think that people deal with anger differently. For example, when upset, Adam is a talker and I am a thinker. It helps him to talk it out or DO SOMETHING to change the situation; it helps me to THINK through the situation (yes, some people call it avoiding! haha) and address it again when I have a clear head.

My friend Angela and I (another marriage and family therapist) were talking about this subject the other day. She said that it was hard/almost impossible for her to sleep when her and her husband werent square. I said that when it gets too late, my ability to reason and be sympathetic runs thin. It is best for me to be silent (or write a little note!) and take the situation to God. Maybe the advice given to newly weds should be: When angry remind yourself how much you love the person laying next to you, and decide together in a spirit of love WHEN you will talk about this situation - that night or the next day.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Highlights of the Week

Monday - Adam made my FAVORITE meal! It has rice, chicken, and sausage. Not sure what it is actually called, but I call it favorite rice : ) Then I ate it for lunch twice this week and loved it again and again.

Tuesday - I spoke with a colleague of mine at the Kiwanis Club Family Expo on Stepparenting. Adam came and watched even though he has seen the same presentation a few times. Thank you sweetheart.


Wednesday - We snuck away from work and had lunch together. It was nice to see his face in the middle of the day, but note to self: Do NOT get spicy wings again when you have to go back to work for 7 hours to do therapy! haha

Thursday - Lazy tv night. Certainly needed!!

Friday/Today - We are starting a Bible study with some of our favorite people - The Baker Family & the Power Family! The study asks us to consider if marriage is intended to make us holy instead of just make us happy. Will update about progress of the study.

Saturday/Tomorrow - This will be day 16 of our bathroom project! Say a little prayer for my patience. : ) It looks amazing and Adam has done had fabulous job juggling work, school, and house projects; I am just ready to have my office back. Will post pictures of the finished product.

Happy Friday!
Mal

Monday, January 18, 2010

House Projects - Tiling the BATHROOM!

This is our (I use the term loosely as Adam did most of the work!) most extensive project yet!

Adam tore out the old floor, cleaned the yuckiness underneath, and then put in BEAUTIFUL tile....GOOO sweetheart!

I...ummm....cheered him on, took lots of pictures, and mostly stayed out of the way : )

Final project pictures coming SOON!

Mal

House Projects - The Fence!

Wood + Nail Gun + Amazing Husband = Awesome Fence that Cookie Monster Cannot Jump Through


 
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Holidays!!

 
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The Test of a New Marriage - Hunting Season

Written November 9th -

I am excited to report that this week my sweet husband, Adam, and I will have been married 6 whole months! As he says, “Only 594 more months until our 50th wedding anniversary!”

As a marriage and family therapist, I believe I came into this marriage with all the right tools: realistic expectations, knowledge about how to communicate effectively, and an understanding that as much as we love each other, we are two imperfect people who do not always “get it right.”

Well…let me tell you one thing, all the BEST marriage books could not have prepared me for one thing….HUNTING SEASON! Ladies, why didn’t someone tell me about this?!

Let me give you an example. A few weeks ago Adam was getting prepared for bow season. For people who are completely clueless like me, that means you can only use a bow to kill the deer. No guns allowed. Well, he invited me to go out to the woods with him to move his deer stand. It sounded innocent enough. I thought, “Great. I’ll spend time with Adam, get some sun, and be back for the game.” So, I packed some food and decided to bring Cookie Monster (our Chihuahua) along too.

45 minutes later – We are in the woods looking for the perfect spot to put the tree stand. Smiling.

5 minutes later – I realize we are “in the woods” and I’m not going to get any sun. Still smiling.

2 minutes later – I realize I should have worn jeans. The brush makes my legs inch! Still smiling.

1 minute later – Adam tells me maybe I should carry Cookie Monster because there are bobcats in the woods that could get him! Strike of panic, but smiling!

60 minutes later – We are STILL walking and looking for the “perfect” spot. My legs itch and my arms are tired from carrying Cookie Monster. Not complaining & even an occasional smile.

15 minutes later – We find the perfect spot! Woo! I put Cookie Monster down finally. Smiling and getting excited about the game.

30 minutes later – Game has started. We have looked at every tree in the perfect spot, and we have found the perfect tree for the stand! Cookie Monster walks through an ant bed, and he is freaking out a bit. Not complaining.

10 minutes later – We examined every possible angle on the perfect tree in the perfect spot in the woods. We select the perfect angle for the stand! Too tired to smile.

1 minute later – I realize why I was REALLY invited!! It takes 2 people to get the tree stand up. One on the bottom to hold it steady and one person 15 feet in the air to strap it to the tree!!!!! Guess which one I was. NOT smiling.

10 minutes later – Glad to be alive. 15 feet felt more like 500 feet! Trying not to hyperventilate!

1 minute later – I am still on the ground about to give Adam a “stern talking to” when I look up and see him smiling from ear to ear. THREE hours later, we had really found the perfect angle on the perfect tree in the perfect spot in the woods! Now smiling again (but only a little).

I guess the marriage books are right and maybe they did prepare me for hunting season. We know that when couples don’t have “shared meaning” about a given situation or event it can lead to conflict. It would have been best if we both had the same idea of what it means to go move a deer stand. I obviously had a very different idea of what we would be doing that day. When I realized that we didn’t have shared meaning, I had to recognize the meaning that Adam attached to the event and be respectful of that (even when I didn’t feel like smiling!).

Hunting season may not be my thing, but I can roll over at 4am and wish him good luck; I can frame the picture of my smiling husband holding up his prized possession (even if it is gross and the deer’s tongue is hanging out!); and I can appreciate the fact that as much as we love each other, it is good to have our individual interests : )

Happy anniversary sweetheart & happy hunting season!