I appreciate that these words of guidance teach us what to do WITH our anger, thus acknowledging that anger WILL happen. I wonder though, does that mean you have to stay up and "talk it out" until it is solved?! In Psalms, we read, "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent" (4:4). Ah ha! Be SILENT.
While I may be beating this subject into the ground a bit : ) I just think that people deal with anger differently. For example, when upset, Adam is a talker and I am a thinker. It helps him to talk it out or DO SOMETHING to change the situation; it helps me to THINK through the situation (yes, some people call it avoiding! haha) and address it again when I have a clear head.
My friend Angela and I (another marriage and family therapist) were talking about this subject the other day. She said that it was hard/almost impossible for her to sleep when her and her husband werent square. I said that when it gets too late, my ability to reason and be sympathetic runs thin. It is best for me t
o be silent (or write a little note!) and take the situation to God. Maybe the advice given to newly weds should be: When angry remind yourself how much you love the person laying next to you, and decide together in a spirit of love WHEN you will talk about this situation - that night or the next day.
Hi Adam and Mallory! (Mallory you've never met me, but since I consider Adam to be my little brother, that would make you my sister-in-law!)
ReplyDeleteI love that you wrote this blog! I think people often think not letting the "sun go down on your anger" means you need to stay up all night hashing out every grievance you have. Mike and I work with couples who've been married less than 3 years and we tell them not to argue under HALT (which I think is from Sacred Marriage - so based on your last post you'll get there quick). HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Late, or Tired.
The second part of that verse is probably more important than the first in not giving the devil opportunity. How does it always get left off?
Mallory... do we need to talk? ha ha, jk, Love You
ReplyDeleteI love the HALT reasoning! I learned the hard way not to try to talk it out with Jamie once we were horizontal and the lights were out. He was completely zoned out...which only made me angrier. :)
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