Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties – Glorious Fun or Grand Faux Pas?

Just thinking of the to-do list while planning a wedding can be exhausting…book the caterers, reserve the location, send invitations, obtain a marriage license, etc., etc.   After all that work, most brides- and grooms-to-be look forward to the fun events designed specifically to celebrate them and their upcoming nuptials – such as this now-infamous bachelor/bachelorette party.

I started thinking about this “infamous” party as I began helping to plan one for my younger sister, Jessica, who is getting married in a few weeks to a wonderful man.  In planning, I kept thinking:

1.  What is the purpose of this event? To party?  To celebrate the bride? To celebrate marriage?
2. What should be emphasized? Remembering singlehood?  Looking towards marriage?
3. How should be talk about marriage this weekend? Sad because you won’t be single? Excited?

I was probably READING way too much into this event.  Ha!  I know!  Yet, this is my sister and best friend, and I wanted her to not only have a special weekend, but I wanted to provide a solid example from what I know as a wife and a marriage researcher.  I have attended different types of bachelorette parties in the past, and it makes me a little sad when people think of parties like this as the “end of fun” or when people make comments like “RUN!” or “Don’t do it!”

I did some brief (non scholarly) research on the history of these parties and found that bachelor parties date back to the 5^th century when Spartan men held a dinner in the groom’s honor and would make toasts to the groom in a celebratory fashion, but the term bachelor party wasn’t coined until the 1920’s.  After the sexual revolution in the 1960’s, women began their own version of celebration with the bachelorette party.  In wasn’t until the 1990’s that women “pumped up the volume” and were regularly celebrating these parties with wild nights on the town and often male entertainment.  So, maybe all my party planning questions were founded as the typical stereotypes of bachelor/bachelorette parties (think The Hangover) have only been normed during the past decade or two.

Today, I would venture to say that there does not appear to be a “right” way to celebrate.  As the party-planner and/or friends of the soon-to-be-married-couple, it is important to know what the couple wants (and what they do NOT want) at their party or separate parties.  There is nothing wrong with good ole fashioned fun as friends help celebrate the transition from singlehood into marriage, but honoring the couple and their upcoming life together is also an essential element for a successful party and for a healthy relationship for the couple.

As for Jessica’s bachelorette weekend, it was a raging success filled with fun, sun, and lots of talk about the adventures of marriage!

Pictured left: Kaley Revell (bridesmaid), Jessica Lucier (BRIDE!), Mallory (Matron of honor)

Below Left: My BF's bachelorette party.  Now Mrs. Catie Walker O'Neal.

Below Right: My bachelorette party with my son, Cookie Monster!!

 

Vacation By Numbers...1, 2, 3....1,330

Gators and Porpoise and Seagulls, oh my!  Adam, Cookie Monster and I just came home from our multi-destination adventure of Florida :)   We had LOTS of fun and ate TOO much food.  Here is a summary of our trip by the numbers:

11          Days we spent on vacation!
1330.9  Miles driven.  Ok, ok!  I should say, number of miles Adam drove :)
7            Homes we visited
4            Different beds we slept in
616        Pages read catching up on the last two Janet Evonovich books!

33          Naureen's jersey number!  We got to see her and Chris play...they won!!

6           Times I spit on the ground in Gainesville, FL.  Yick, UF!  Go dawgs :)
4           Number of real gators (not the obnoxious fans) we saw at Paynes Prairie! 

             Thanks to Roxanne, our amazing tour guide!

2:30       Time of Drew and Patty's wedding on 8.7.10! 

9'8"        Length of the longboard I tried to surf on!

2            Number of sandsharks in the water...and reason I didn't learn to surf :)

$40        Amount of money we saved b/c Adam's mom gave us both great haircuts

9374      Address to Jessica and Ryan's NEW HOUSE! Glad we went to visit Tallahassee
387        Exit we ran out of gas.  Really. We even had a note to remind us to fill up. Ah!

15           Minutes it took Grant to get gas & save us...in the RAIN!  Thanks Grant!

∞               Amount of fun we had traveling to see our friends and family!!

                  Can't wait to do it again!

p.s. Thanks to the Netzer family for giving us this numerically descriptive idea! 

Vacation...Porpoise Sighting from a CANOE!!

Rivers and beaches and pools, oh my!  We are enjoying our vacation as we circle the state of Florida visiting family and friends (i.e. fun and inexpensive holiday before school gears back up).

Adam and I went on a canoe ride on the Banana River yesterday afternoon.  It was beautiful outside as we watched fish jump and the sun shine down on us.  Then Adam spotted a porpoise!!  

Check out the video as we basically paddled right next to the porpoise!  Shoot, he/she almost swam underneath the canoe (in the 2nd video)! 

The 1st one has me narrating; the 2nd one is a little windy but mr. porpoise gets CLOSE!

I was having a laughing attack...excited like a little kid.  Growing up in Georgia, you dont see this everyday unlike my surfer boy husband who is like a fish to water....better yet, a porpoise to water!  Enjoy :) 

More photos and videos of the trip to come!

Learning While Teaching!

I love my job(s)! As a little background, I have been in grad school at Auburn for the last 4 years (yet still a faithful Georgia Bulldog). During that time, I have worn many “hats!” Beyond my favorite roles (wife to Adam, sister, daughter, etc!), I also have had some rocking jobs. 4+ years as a research assistant for Alabama’s healthy marriage initiative and the last three years as a therapist at a community mental health facility.

I love therapy, but I was ready for a new adventure. In the spring of this year, I co-taught a class with my major professor...loved it! Then, this summer, I turned in my 30 day notice at mental health when I was offered a job teaching an undergrad Marriage & Family class at Auburn.

Transitioning from a one-on-one, community mental health setting to a classroom with 35 “knowledge seekers.” Oh, it has been an adventure!!!! There are some similarities between therapy and undergrads (i.e. in both settings some WANT to be there, others don’t; both are filled in interesting people who keep me on my toes!)

Here are a few things that I have learned/enjoyed about teaching this summer:

4. Everyone was learning…including ME! I had a chatty, thoughtful group of students who asked LOTS of questions and had even more “colorful” stories to highlight various topics we discussed including LOVE, costs/rewards for romantic relationships, rules for breaking up, healthy sexuality, etc.

3. I felt so funny! : ) I am not sure if they are required to laugh at my jokes and stories because I was the instructor (or maybe Adam paid them), but they did which just encouraged me to tell more jokes! Ha!

2. It is important to have clarity in communication! This is a good lesson for everyone…therapists, teachers, spouses, etc. On the first exam, I asked the students to describe the difference between individualistic values (individual/self oriented) and familistic values (family oriented). Then, I asked them to illustrate each value system expecting for them to give me an example of each. I was really confused when I was grading the tests and began seeing pages covered in STICK FIGURES! 

HAHA! I didn’t know if I should deduct points or give extra credit : ) Next time I will just ask for an example.  p.s. I asked permission from the students to use these

1. The best part about teaching: Watching the A-ha Moments! Lots of students across the University have to take this class. I had interior design students, engineers, communication disorder folks…students from a variety of back grounds. As diverse as their interests were, we all had some common ground in this class. We all have a family – whether biological or a chosen family – and we will continue to be part of a community of people.

Several students we struck by the fact that we can STUDY marriages and families! Skills such as having realistic expectations and being intentional in relationships can promote healthy relationships and stability….plus research rocks! The last part was added by me. They may not yet love research as much as I do!

What a blessing to have such a great job in which I get to talk about marriages and families!! Looking forward to learning lots more as I continue to teach this fall!